I think i sorta joined a cult last night
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think I sprained my soul last night
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
