he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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