i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
