Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
