Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
