He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
