Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
