Bisexual people are plain selfish.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
