Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
