You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
