so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
