escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
