do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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