you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
