I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
