Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
