Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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