i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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