I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
