I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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