I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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