loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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