So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
