i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
