So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If its not for food we ain't going out.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
