he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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