He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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