Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
