I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
