all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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