I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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