3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
