i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
