Nicole vs. Life
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
