Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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