"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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