You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
