you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
