It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
