I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm too high and old for this...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize