You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
