you're like a bully in the Christmas story
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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