He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
