I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
