i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
