my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
