So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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