What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
