it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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