Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
