you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
