You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
