I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
my poor anus
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
