Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
