i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
