I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize