no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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