batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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