You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
40s are totally the cure
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize