Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
