She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
