between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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