I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
