woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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