have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
