3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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