nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
