I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
