ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
