it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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